The Problem with "I" in a World of Becoming

Whitehead’s process philosophy insists that nothing exists in isolation. There is no fixed "self" that remains untouched, unshaped by others. Each moment of experience, what he calls an actual occasion, is a weaving of past influences, present relations, and future potential.

If identity is a fluid, relational unfolding, then the pronouns we use should reflect that. But the dominant structure of language, even in its more expansive forms, still assumes that identity is a contained, individuated thing. "I" and "you," "he" and "she," even "they", these words suggest discrete entities, as if we are self-enclosed islands, stable and separate.

But we are not islands. We are estuaries, meeting points of countless influences. The breath I take has already passed through the lungs of trees, the laughter of a stranger across the street shifts the mood of my afternoon, and my grandmother’s stories live in the cadence of my voice. There is no clean break between "self" and "other."

So why should we speak as if there is?

What If We Used "Us," "We," and "Our"?
If Whitehead is right, if everything exists in relation, then our pronouns should not merely state who we are, but call us into deeper awareness of each other. Instead of starting with I, what if we started with we? Instead of defining myself, what if I defined us?

There is an inclusivity here that goes beyond visibility. It does not just make space for individuals to declare who they are; it asks us to situate ourselves within a shared fabric of becoming. It does not just demand recognition; it cultivates empathy.

When we use "we," "us," and "our," we are no longer isolated subjects announcing identity to an audience. We are entangled, responsive, shaping and being shaped by one another.

Pronouns are important, but they are also a doorway, not a destination. If we truly want a language that reflects the ecological, relational, and process-driven nature of reality, we must go further. We must speak as if we are inextricable from each other, because we are.

To say "us" is to affirm that I am because you are. To say "we" is to remember that no becoming happens alone. To say "our" is to place responsibility in the collective, to recognize that our choices, our words, our very presence in the world is not just our own, but something we hold in common, in trust, in relationship.

Perhaps the most radical pronoun we can choose is the one that refuses to be singular.